You’re Not Behind, You’re Human: A New Way to Think About New Year’s Resolutions

By Savanna Smith, RN, Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying), Acceptance Clinic

Every January, the conversation around New Year’s resolutions can feel loud, overwhelming, and quietly exhausting. In my work at Acceptance Clinic, I meet a lot of adults who already feel behind before the year has even really begun. Social media is filled with posts about promotions, engagements, fitness milestones, and financial wins. For many of the clients I work with, this time of year doesn’t feel inspiring, it feels heavy.

As both a registered nurse and psychotherapist, I want to say this clearly: feeling like you haven’t achieved “enough” does not mean you have failed. It often means you have been surviving, adapting, and carrying more than most people can see.

What I Hear From People I Work With

In real conversations, a few themes come up again and again in January:

• “I should be further along by now.”

• “Everyone else seems to have it figured out.”

• “I don’t even know what my goals are anymore.”

One client once said to me, “I didn’t accomplish anything last year and I just got through it.” When we slowed down, it became clear they had been dealing with burnout, supporting their family, and doing their best to take care of themselves. What they saw as failure was actually resilience.

Another client felt disappointed about unmet goals, only to realize those goals were shaped by pressure and comparison, not by what they truly needed.

Reframing What a “Resolution” Can Be

Traditional resolutions often focus on outcomes: lose weight, earn more, be happier, do better. But when you’re already feeling behind, outcome-based goals can reinforce the belief that you are not enough.

Instead, I often encourage people to think about direction over destination: something realistic, flexible, and kind.

Ask yourself:

• What would make my life feel even 5% more manageable?

• What do I need more of — rest, support, boundaries, movement, connection?

• What am I ready for now, not what do I think I “should” want?

A resolution does not have to be dramatic to be meaningful.

A Gentler Way to Set Goals

Here’s a simple framework I often use with people who feel stuck, burnt out, or unsure where to begin:

1. Start With What You’ve Survived

Before setting goals, it helps to pause and acknowledge what the past year actually required of you. Emotional labor, burnout, grief, and healing matter — even if they don’t show up as achievements.

You might start by asking yourself:

• What was genuinely hard last year?

• How did I keep going anyway?

2. Choose Values, Not Just Tasks

Instead of “go to the gym 5 days a week,” consider the value underneath it — perhaps health, energy, or self-respect.

Examples:

• Value: Stability → Goal: Create a simple morning routine 3 days a week

• Value: Connection → Goal: Reach out to one supportive person weekly

• Value: Self-trust → Goal: Pause before saying yes and check in with my capacity

When goals are connected to values, they feel more flexible and less punishing.

3. Make Goals Small Enough to Succeed

If motivation feels low, that’s okay. Start small. One client set a goal of opening the blinds each morning. It was doable, grounding, and helped rebuild momentum.

Ask yourself: What is the smallest version of this goal I could manage on a hard day?

4. Let Goals Be Flexible

Life will interrupt your plans — work gets busy, energy dips, and unexpected things happen. That doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re human.

Instead of aiming for perfection, aim for flexibility. If a goal isn’t working, it’s okay to adjust it rather than give up.

A simple reframe I often share:

Progress isn’t about doing things perfectly. It’s about finding what truly helps you.

If You’re Starting the Year Feeling Behind

If January brings up grief, disappointment, or anxiety for you, you’re definitely not alone. I see this every year, especially among people who are capable, caring, and hard on themselves.

You don’t need to reinvent yourself this year. Sometimes the most realistic resolution is simply to be a little kinder to yourself than you were last year.

If you’re feeling stuck or unsure where to begin, therapy can be a supportive place to set goals that actually fit your real life. At Acceptance Clinic, I work collaboratively with adults to move forward in ways that feel manageable, meaningful, and realistic.

You’re doing the best you can, and it’s okay to start where you are at your own pace.

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